Worst Films Ever – Part 2

Continuing on with Wikipedia’s worst movies list

Mac and Me (1988)

SEEN IT? Yes

Five years ago I would have been surprised to see this on the list. I used to love it as a kid, and of course children never have bad taste in movies. However, I tried to re-watch it recently and couldn’t even get through the first ten minutes. It’s really that bad. As a kid I do remember thinking it was a bit ridiculous that the dying aliens were saved by the magical healing powers of Coca Cola, but otherwise it just seemed like fun. I must have blocked out the rest of the dodgy product placement. Check out this inexplicable dance number in a McDonalds.

Troll 2 (1990)

SEEN IT? No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 60%

Marketing types can make really bad decisions sometimes. In this case a guy made a low budget film about goblins and not surprisingly intended to call it Goblins. Somewhere along the line a distributor had the bright idea of calling it Troll 2 instead, despite it having nothing to do with the first Troll movie and the fact it didn’t feature any trolls at all. It sounds like this one has a pretty strong following for its “so bad it’s good” qualities, so I wouldn’t mind watching it. Preferably with a bunch of friends and several alcoholic beverages.

The goblins are vegetarian so they turn their victims into plants before they eat them (no joke). That might have made more sense if it wasn’t for this photo showing them in a forest surrounded by plants.

Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

You know a sequel is bad when the plot of the movies after it (Highlander 3,4 and 5) completely ignore it like it never happened.

North (1994)

SEEN IT?: Yes

This is another one I kind of liked when it came out, though I don’t remember much about it now. Uber-critic Roger Ebert famously said “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it”. Maybe one day I’ll check it out again and find that I agree.

Showgirls (1995)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

Fun fact: the lead actress is completely nude for one sixth of the entire film.

And when she has some clothes on, she’s doing stuff like this.

Bio-Dome (1996)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

Pauly Shore was a big deal at some point when I was younger. Many of my friends were in to his work, especially Encino Man. Society now tells me that he was a terribly unfunny comedian and his films are some of the worst ever made. I can’t remember much about them so I can only guess at what the truth is.

An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1998)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 40%

A movie about a director trying to have his name removed from the credits of a movie that ended up being so bad that the real director tried to have his name removed from the credits. Some have defended it as an accurate portrayal of the vapid stupidity behind the scenes of Hollywood productions, but the general consensus is it just isn’t very funny.

The Underground Comedy Movie (1999)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 20%

A series of skits of the most lowbrow quality, including a superhero named “Dickman” who defeats his enemies by squirting them with semen. The director was so convinced by its awesomeness that he tried re-releasing it with a few extra scenes in 2010. The world continued to ignore him.

Except for a brief period in 2009 after he assaulted a prostitute and had this awful mugshot taken.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 50%

John Travolta’s Scientology inspired vanity project is has been mocked relentlessly since its release, adding insult to injury after it lost investors around $70 million. Part of me wants to know just how bad it is.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 40%

I saw Tom Green doing a stand up skit recently and he was surprisingly okay. I then heard an interview where he talked about Freddy Got Fingered in a slightly embarassed way, but he was also kind of proud that it was starting to be looked on more favourably with the benefit of hindsight. Then again, seeing as the jokes include a horse being jerked off and a baby being swung around a room by the umbilical cord for no good reason it’s going to take more than that to convince me I should watch it.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

Lucy Lui and Antonio Banderas prove that star power and countless explosions won’t always save a bad movie. Usually if enough critics hate on a film at least one or two voices of dissent will rise up, but not this time. A whopping 108 critic reviews have been collected on Rotten Tomatoes and every single one of them disliked it – making it the worst reviewed movie on the site.

The Room (2003)

SEEN IT?: Yes. Four times.

It’s often called the Citizen Kane of bad movies and it really deserves it. There is no need to wonder if The Room fits the bill of being so bad it’s enjoyable – the answer will always be a resounding “yes”. The whole thing is so incredibly poorly conceived in every aspect that it seems to create a paradox – no one could have possibly made it thinking it was actually a good movie, yet it’s somehow extremely difficult to believe that it was purposely made to be a comically bad film because there’s just too much naive sincerity in it. If you get a chance to see this at a midnight screening (where it has become accepted tradition to throw spoons and yell at the screen) I strongly suggest you go.

In the meantime check out this contender for most inappropriate laugh of all time.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

The winner and runner-up of the first American Idol series, Kelly Clarkson and some other guy, were contractually obliged to star in this spring-break themed musical. ‘Nuff said.

Gigli (2003)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 20%

Another example of non-creative types making bad decisions, this apparently started life as a violent gangster film but when tabloids started going nuts about ‘Bennifer’ (the real life coupling of the lead actors, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez) someones hand was forced into turning it into a romantic comedy. The result was a mess that ended up being the first film to “win” every major Razzie award in a given year.

DIRECTOR: “But Jennifer’s character is a lesbian. That wouldn’t make any sense.”
SOME IDIOT: “What are you talking about?! Everyone loves a “Ben Affleck converts the lesbian” story. Didn’t you see ‘Chasing Amy’?”

Catwoman (2004)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

Movie studios have slowly learnt to show some respect for the established back stories of comic book characters. Seeing as the character in Catwoman has practically nothing to do with the character from one of the most well known superhero franchises of all time, I guess people weren’t as enlightened back in 2004.

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)

SEEN IT?: Yes

I invited some friends around and watched this after I noticed it had held the number 1 spot on IMDB’s Bottom 100 list for quite a while. I hoped that it would be enjoyably bad and not just plain excruciating. I can happily report that it is entertaining if you’re in the right mindset. It might not fit the bill as well as The Room but I found plenty to laugh at – especially hearing Jon Voight yell “Kahuna!” in a ridiculous German accent every five minutes. There’s definite great drinking game potential in that.

“For the sequel we can make the kids superheroes. We’ll make one super-smart, one super strong, one super girly and one … um … super bouncy. They’re all legitimate super powers, right?”

Alone in the Dark (2005)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 30%

Director, Uwe Boll, is something of a new age Ed Wood. Everything he makes is consistently panned by pretty much everyone, yet somehow he is still allowed to make movies. Even back in 2005 the ongoing success of his career was something of a mystery. He’d just made the universally derided video game adaptation, House of the Dead, yet he went ahead and made this – another video game adaptation with “dead” in the title  – and not surprisingly it was a financial and critical failure. Then again, maybe it’s not so much of a mystery – Boll finances his own films and takes advantage of tax breaks given to film financers in his home country of Germany.

(EDIT: Actually it doesn’t have dead in the title at all. I don’t know what I was thinking there).

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008)

SEEN IT?: No

CURIOSITY FACTOR: 60%

It sounds like this one has genuine potential as a bad-movie-night cult favourite. It features poorly animated eagles that spit acid and explode on impact, and it was promoted with the tagline “WHY DID THE EAGLES AND VULTURES ATTACKED?”

As unbelievable as it is, I think this is an actual still frame from the movie. Like, for reals.

And that’s the last one! Have you seen any of these stinkers? Is there anything you think shouldn’t be here or something else that should?

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3 Responses to Worst Films Ever – Part 2

  1. Pingback: Worst Films Ever – Part 1 | A Hole in the Head

  2. Josef Rodriguez says:

    Awesome list. Sad to say I’ve seen quite a few of these. The Room is one of my favorites and I love Showgirls for all the wrong reasons. Even at his worst Paul Verhoeven is able to entertain!

    • I can’t promise I’ll give Showgirls a shot, but your love for it may end up being enough to convince me. And yeah, I can’t praise The Room highly (or lowly?) enough. Glad you enjoyed it too!

      I’ve seen a few more on this list since then (have started a semi-regular bad movie night with some friends, which is great fun). Think I’ll do an update at some point, but the most important point will be that ‘Birdemic’ is amazing. It may even compete with The Room as most insanely, enjoyably bad film ever …

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