These days you can find reviews of almost everything.
Do you need to find out whether it’s worth watching that Latvian arthouse film you saw advertised on a single poster on the side of a rubbish bin down a dark alley? Don’t worry. There are 10,000 reviews for it on IMDB.
Want to know which tiny little burger place you should be telling your friends is way better than McDonalds, even though you had 7 Big Macs last week? It’s cool. Urban Spoon has you covered.
But it’s not enough.
Personally, I won’t rest until every single person in the world has shared their opinion on every single thing in the world … and I’m going to get the ball rolling by reviewing videos that practically no one has ever seen. I mean, someone has to review them!
1. Apartment Tour Video
Wow, we’re off to a great start! Sure, this video starts out a little slow – although you have to admire the use of space and the nice floral motif on the doors – but what about that surprise outdoor shot at the end?! Who saw that coming?!
Still the video could have fallen down at that moment if it wasn’t for the powerhouse performance that the mountain at the back of the shot puts in. Not since Marlon Brando appeared in The Godfather for about 20 seconds has an actor/inanimate object stolen the show so thoroughly with such little screen time. Inspirational work.
View Count: 18
2. For the Love of God, Please Buy This Chevrolet
I admire the effort that has been put into this video, but in the end it was just sad. The director was obviously so desperate for approval that they were blinded to the flaws of the film. I’m sure that not even they truly believed that anyone would ever be convinced to buy the car. Yet they continue to inundate the audience with shot after shot of the car from endless angles, as if maybe – just maybe – the constant bombardment will eventually cause a minor breakdown in the viewers and someone will buy the car in a moment of temporary insanity.
As I said … it’s just sad.
View Count: 25
3. Person Hits a Ball with a Bat
I love the suspense that is built over the first 3 seconds of this video. I was on the edge of my seat wondering whether or not she would hit the ball (though that isn’t 100% accurate because it takes me about 5 seconds to move to the edge of my seat on a good day). The creators made a wise decision not to keep the audience hanging for too long though, and by the fourth second I was flooded with relief that there was going to be a happy ending to this tale. The only pity is that the editors weren’t a little more ruthless. Clearly those last two seconds were just superfluous to the plot and should have been left on the cutting room floor.
View Count: 14
4. Video of a Yellow Car
I tore into the Chevrolet video, so you may expect me to give an equally unkind review to this one. Au contraire! For the difference here is cinematography. Where the Chevrolet video relied on dozens of Michael Bay-esque quick edits, this video is all about the old fashioned long-sustained tracking shot. If you were impressed by the long unedited takes in Birdman and Children of Men, you will no doubt be captivated by this.
View Count: 23
At first I didn’t think I would enjoy Pencher. I was worried that I would find it too repetitive, too derivative, or perhaps just incomprehensible seeing as the only word in it is in a language I don’t understand. I needn’t have worried though. Once the video got going I found myself entranced by it. It didn’t matter that it was just one word repeated over and over with a simple graphic – I was hypnotised. Full credit must go to the set designer, as the use of stark black and white with just a splash of yellow was a genius decision. Not even Sin City managed to use colour so effectively.
View Count: 21
Well, I hope this post has been enlightening for you. Thank you to Petit Tube for making it possible!